I have been on quite the journey since my separation, I have felt for a while that I should share my journey with others in the hopes that someone might learn from my mistake. It took me a while but, last Sunday I shared the below testimony in church.
Good morning everyone. Can you tell I'm nervous?
I've spent months mulling this over trying to figure out what to
say, but if I'm honest all that was really happening was a delay in
getting up here to share what I wanted to share. So I decided to
stop over-thinking it, and well, here we are.
I’m sure most of you have noticed that I have been coming to
church on my own for a while now, for those who don’t know, a
little over 12 months ago my wife had an affair and that
ultimately led to her abandoning our marriage and moving out.
Unless you have been here yourself, you actually can't imagine
what it has been like, however, God has been hard at work in my
life and He's taught me a lot in the past year.
That brings us to today, and there is one particular lesson I want
to share with you in the hopes that you can learn from it as well.
My wife was a very private person and she was always adamant
that we do not air our 'dirty laundry' out to anyone else. As a
result I had to be very careful who I spoke too and what I said,
leaving us to try and figure out our issues on our own.
This is the mistake.
We actually can't do it alone, God didn't design us to do it alone,
but instead of reaching out and getting help, we fight our battles
in private, we try to hide our shame, our guilt, and our mistakes,
often with deadly consequences. James 5:16 says: 'Therefore,
confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that
you may be healed.'
In the past year I have learnt that there is no judgement waiting
for me when I reached out for help, you can probably imagine
the terror & shame I felt as a Christian husband, from a Christian
family, staring down the barrel of a divorce. Initially I did not
know where to go, or who to speak too, fortunately for me God
stepped in and forced the issue, and you know what I found
instead? Love, understanding, advice, and support. I wish now
that I had not waited until desperation to reach out.
The reality is that we are all struggling with something, some
big, some small, whether you want to admit it or not, and most of
us are keeping it hidden away, battling with it alone. Psalms 32
says 'For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away...'
I stand here today having learnt this lesson the hard way, and so
I would implore you all to not make the mistakes I did. Trust me,
once you overcome the guilt or shame that you feel, and reach
out, and you find the support network that is right there, whether
that’s amongst your friends, family, or church group, you will
wonder how you ever handled life on your own. I know I do.
I’m going to close this by playing you a song, its a song, one of
many, that God used to great effect during the peak of my
despair.
Before we play it though I want to highlight the chorus.
Keep in mind the You in the following is referring to God.
It goes like this:
"I say I’m fine, yeah I’m fine, oh I’m fine, hey I’m fine, but l’m not, I’m broken
and when its out of control I say its under control, but its not and You know it
I don’t know why its so hard to admit it, when being honest is the only way to fix it
and here is the critical part:
There’s no failure,
There’s no fall
There's no sin You don’t already know
So let the truth be told. "
Next time you are struggling with something, remember this:
'the only one who actually matters, He already knows, so
swallow your pride, and go get some help. You wont regret it.
I also recorded myself for review, and too look back on later.
